aufhebung

thoughts personal, public and everything in between

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

the good, the bad and the extremely irritating

"There is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good in one's lifetime; moreover, that every man who eats and drinks sees good in all his labor--it is the gift of God"--Ecclesiastes 3:12-13

"If a man should live many years, let him rejoice in them all, and let him remember the days of darkness, for they will be many."--Ecclesiastes 11:8

I came into this expecting that there would be good days and bad, but that's not quite the case. It's more like good and bad half hours.

I woke up today to a bad one. Over the last two days, an itchy rash has broken out all over my abdomen and shoulders. At around 4:30 this morning it suddenly overpowered the Caladryl I had rubbed on it four hours earlier, producing a sensation similar to that produced by a thousand ants crawling over one's body and chewing at the flesh. Karla had first seen the rash the night before, and made the sensible move of calling Dr. Iqbal, so I was able to get in to see her by nine. She'll probably put me on a steroid, but she wants a dermatologist to see me first, so I'll need to go in tomorrow.

From Dr. Iqbal's office, I drove out to Claremont to meet with Roland Faber, dashing manically into a shopping center restroom in West Covina to slosh on a fresh coat of Caladryl along the way. The meeting itself was an absolute pleasure. The ethics course I'll be teaching at Claremont beginning next month is to form a unit with his theology course, so we'll be working closely together over the next semester. I went into this first meeting aware (and intimidated by the fact) that he is unusually intelligent and comprehensive in his grasp of systematic theology, but was caught off guard to discover his warmth and the utter ease of being with him. I stuck around on campus to work on my syllabus and reading list, not noticing until I got home that the itching had not broken out the entire time. Interesting thing: I'm finding that productive work on something you love and want to give to the world has a certain therapeutic power of its own.

Another slathering of Caladryl before going to bed. This time the effect wore off after just two hours. The flesh-eating bugs were back, and with them a new awareness of a couple of minor sores on my lips and fingers, and increased swelling in my legs. I'm switching to Sarna cream for the remainder of the night to see if it works any better. In a few minutes I'll take another Benedryl and go back to bed.

But first I'm here, because if I restrict my blogging to the times when I'm physically comfortable it won't be a truthful account of this part of my life. And what do you know--the effort of writing about it has helped to make to make it manageable. I've nuked a mug of warm milk for myself, something I almost never do, but which has proven to be a remarkably good idea. So even this isn't a total waste.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have I mentioned recently that as an infant you were alergic to almost everything? So, I am not terribly surprised, but I am so very sorry. Connie allowed herself to suffer for months with an allergic reaction to one of her "meds", before finally insisting that the doctor find a different drug. I am not trying to tell you what to do. I just HATE that your body is reacting this way to a drug that you are supposed to have reinforced again tomorrow. I do hope there is a better solution than steroids. More later, I have to get back to work now. Love you, Mom

7/12/06 9:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Scott, you are not alone in this reaction. I just spoke to Gloria whose sister had bile-duct cancer, and suffered from this same feeling of ants biting under her skin. Her doctors finally defined it as bacteria that the body was unable to filter, backing up and creating this miserable under the skin itching condition. They did give her a topical medication that eased the effects a little, but in her case, there was not time to find a different solution. Yours may or may not be from the same cause, but it certainly sounds very similar. I certainly hope a more promising fix is available to you. Love you, Mom

7/12/06 1:37 PM  
Blogger scott becker said...

Just got back from seeing the dermatologist and he instantly recognized it as a reaction to the gemcetabine. He prescribed a topical steroid to offset it, which I'll be able to use after future treatments as needed. Since it's external, it shouldn't have the same effect as the steroids I took last time I was on chemotherapy. Unfortunately, it probably won't do anything to improve my batting average, either.

7/12/06 2:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, that is good news. And we'll just have to live with your batting average. Love, Mom

7/12/06 2:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Friend, I have been reading your journey entries. Thank you for being so open with your ups and downs; you are not afraid to show your friends your humanity. How I wish this was more true of others around me. Rather than thinking less of us as many fear, we would be more accepted, loved and cared for by our family and community. Fear of being vulnerable is one of worst enemies to our growth and ministry. Your are in my prayers daily. Judy VA

7/12/06 3:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Scott,
Sorry to hear about the itching - it is sooooooo irritating. When I'm in a fibro-flare, it itches under my skin and drives me nuts.

Anyway, thinking of you today as you do round 2 of chemo - hope the topical stuff they gave you works... And who knows, if you put the cream on your bat, it MIGHT improve your batting average :-)

Hugs to you - and Karla
Helen

8/12/06 2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Belle, who suffered with itching during her fight with Breast Cancer found that Nubain and/or Atarax both helped with "itching associated with epidermal meds." I don't know if either would be applicable to your situation. And, that is just in the off chance that you fail to get the relief promised with the topical steroid prescribed already.
My thoughts have been with you all day. I will probably call this evening to learn about your second week in this three week segment.
I am so thankful that you have at least one week off. Love you, Mom
And by the way, I so appreciate all of your friends who stay in touch via your blog.

8/12/06 4:40 PM  

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