Survivor...So Far
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Last Friday I learned that I have cancer.
The possibility has hung over our heads since May, when the elevated liver enzymes first showed up on a routine blood test, so the news itself was surprisingly un-devastating. Moreover, this is my third bout--I fought Hodgkins Disease when I was in college, and again when it came back six years later--so the wire in my brain that programs me to think that everything in life should go smoothly and make sense has been disconnected for a long time. We don't know yet whether the tumors are restricted to the liver or more systemic, whether I will require surgery, radiation, chemotherapy or some combination thereof. What I can say with a fair amount of confidence is that Karla & I will face some pretty awful days over the next few months.
Today is not one of them, and for that I'm grateful.
So I'm doing what humans have done since the dawn of time when confronted by their mortality: I'm starting a blog. I've meant to do this for some time--to post various comments on the role of faith in public life, the revolutionary character of church practices, the peril of confusing Christian values with prevailing nationalist ideologies, the lost art of truthtelling in our current political climate. But the trigger is suddenly embarking on a journey that deserves to be described day after day as it proceeds. We'll see what happens from here.
posted by scott becker @ 9:41 AM
1 Comments:
From Mom: I am so glad you finally put in a picture. I like to see who the main character is, and/or what he looks like. I really enjoyed all of your articles. I found them very deeply thought out. It seems to me that in order to write something like this, you really do have to search deep within. I have never established the practice of journaling or Blogging, but I suspect that both provide an opportunity for self discovery. Regarding "Survivor", how appropriate that you would select this particular picture of you sitting on the very edge of creation, where one wrong move could send you into eternity, or at least into a waterfall. How blessed we (your family and other adoring friends) all are that each time you stared death in the face, you were given a reprieve. I am counting on another. (Practice makes perfect) I too, have enjoyed what my life has been, for all its ups and downs. When the downs are there, I am sure it seemed as if that was the entirety of it all. But, in reality, I do know there were and are so many more ups than downs. I have defined my life's purpose as "to find Joy and Inner Peace in every experience." That "Joy" is not in a hedonistic sense, although that is fun too, but a spiritual all encompassing joy that can only result in inner peace. In really, really hard issues, joy may not be available, so maybe the goal is actually peace, with some joy thrown in. But, back to you. I find your level of understanding and wisdom far beyond your years. Love you, Mom
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